Junebug

I finished cleaning my room and organizing my files three weekends ago. It took me entirely two days to finish sorting out important documents, receipts, invoices, statements, letters. I didn't realize that I had been collecting so much stuff I didn't actually need and would never need. I was never a pack rat but I suppose the paranoia that the US dumps on every immigrant, the idea that everything is important got to me to such extent that everything truly became indispensable when in reality, they're not. Now, my cabinets are only about half-full and my desk looks like a desk again, instead of a dumpster.

My biggest problem now, though are those documents that have my info on them. People told me to get a shredder but I'm just not satisfied with that because in my head, weirdos can look inside my trash can and just rearrange the papers. So what I do is I cut every letter in itty-bitty pieces. It takes me half an hour to finish about 10 documents and with about 200 papers to sort and destroy, I need an entire weekend to finish up. I wish it's ok to burn paper here, like in The Philippines. Siga. Sigh. Someday, someone will invent a Super Fine Micro-Shredder with really sharp, really fine blades that can cut even the smallest letters into a million pieces, almost dust-like. Sana yung someday, bukas na. Dali, para abot sa 4th of July sale. Bwahahahaha.

Anyhoo, now I can start looking for driving schools. I took my vision exam two weeks ago, I think and I was not declared legally blind, thank God. The afternoon I spent memorizing the letters in the vision exam was a total waste because they asked me to read a different set of letters. You know that black camera-like thing they use for those with really bad eyes? Yeah, that's what I used. Sayang, I even devised a code so I can easily recall the letters.

Then for my birthday, I took three days off from work. The original plan was to go out of town, Catalina Island or any beach but due to the Jowa's terrible schedule, we just had dinner and lunch and dinner and lunch and dinner and lunch. What I dread is that I didn't get to wear this dress I've been wanting to wear to one of our dates. You know how it is, you shop, you primp and then boom! The one person you want to admire your efforts isn't there to see it. Medyo ganun, only, the effort wasn't there to be admired. Bwahahaha. I'd stick out like almoranas if I forced it so I didn't.

But it was a good celebration. I even think that it is my most favorite birthday because it is the first birthday spent with the Jowa and corny as it may sound, it's the people around you who really matter. Sentiments from that person, from people, closeness, conversations, tenderness, silences. Where I come from, that's rare. I couldn't have asked for more.

So that was June. This month is probably not much different, except there's not much to celebrate. Lately, I've been thinking about a drastic career move that I might regret but at the same time, feels so great. The job has gotten too comfortable, like an old, trusty lover who you actually despise, but because the unknown is scary, I am settling. Give me guts, world. Make everyday my birthday, a chance for rebirth, revolt.